


she's coldly beautiful

by baruna



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Blood, F/M, Fem!Saruhiko, Genderbending, Genderswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 08:45:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baruna/pseuds/baruna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saruhiko is all pale skin, long dark lashes, pretty, long, silky hair, and Misaki thinks that HOMRA isn’t good enough for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	she's coldly beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Basically a de-anon from the K Project kink meme. 
> 
> Original request: [Fem!Fushimi/Yata] Where Saruhiko is taller, crueler, and coldly beautiful.

Misaki wonders, wonders, and _wonders_ why she leaves. Saruhiko is all pale skin, long dark lashes, pretty, long, silky hair, and Misaki thinks that HOMRA isn’t good enough for her. That he isn’t good enough for her, even though they’ve been through everything together.

What Saruhiko doesn’t tell him is how she thinks she isn’t good enough for _him_ anymore. It’s like he’s moved onto better things, like Suoh Mikoto, and his other comrades—they all laugh at each other’s jokes and Saruhiko is just never _in_.

HOMRA wasn’t so bad when she joined at first. There’s a certain distance, though, and Saruhiko could tell. No one says it to her face.  She’s a girl, after all, and a pretty one at that. The only one besides Anna. No one approaches her, understands why she’s so close with Yata Misaki, and they joke about how the only reason she’s there is because she’s Misaki’s _girlfriend_. Saruhiko doesn’t think it’s very funny.

Saruhiko is comfortable with order, power, and stability, with close friends and mere acquaintances, but certainly not family, especially those as uncouth as the Reds.  And, well, when she sees she isn’t welcome, she leaves. Saruhiko had tried, tried so hard for Misaki, and it just didn’t work out.

-

Saruhiko is surprisingly easy to read, only if you know where to look. Misaki knows that when her eyes narrow, she’s annoyed, and when the corner of her lips turn down only slightly, she feels intimidated, and when she full out scowls, something didn’t go as planned.

When Misaki calls her “Saru” spitefully for the first time after she leaves, her lip trembles minutely before she schools her expression into one of indifference, and Misaki doesn’t feel guilty until after, long after. It’s a look he hasn’t seen on her for a long time. Hurt.

He feels extremely guilty later, and everyone notices, but he brushes them off.

-

Scepter 4 is organized, efficient, and there aren’t any bonds that serve to complicate workplace efficiency. Saruhiko rises in rank very quickly, and she thinks that Munakata secretly adores her, even though she thinks everyone is irritating. Much less so in Scepter 4 than in HOMRA, though.

People flirt with her—apparently the cold, arrogant type along with her pretty look serves to entice men, and Saruhiko really isn’t all that into relationships (ever).

They say her eyelashes make her look seductive, her hair curving down her back perfectly, and Saruhiko can’t pluck out all her eyelashes, can she?

When she goes home, in the evening, she takes careful time in choosing a nice pair of scissors, cleaning it until it shines—stainless steel, and her fingers lightly skim across the surface—her delicate, thin fingers.

Suddenly, an irrational anger overtakes her. She has already tried to scratch the HOMRA insignia off her skin, tried and tried, but only a few light scratches remain, the tattoo still unmarred.

Saruhiko holds the knife and stabs, rips it across the curved shape of the HOMRA symbol on her collarbone, and the blood falls onto her white shirt, penetrates her skin onto her bone, and for a moment she feels _glorious_. She has eviscerated the mark, almost all of it is hidden underneath the lines of red she has inflicted upon herself. And then the pain comes, but Saruhiko blocks it out. She stumbles into the bathroom and washes the wound out, finding the bottle of pills and taking the painkillers dry. She contemplates placing a bandage on the wound but decides otherwise—the longer it takes to heal, the better.

Then she goes to picks up the scissors— the nicest pair she has— and cleans it until she shines. Stainless steel.

Saruhiko cuts her hair.

-

When Misaki sees Saruhiko the next time, it’s near an alleyway close to HOMRA, close to a nearby coffee shop. He doesn’t recognize her at first. For one, her hair is shorter—too short. Misaki doesn’t like it. She’s also not wearing the Scepter 4 uniform.

She’s wearing a pair of slim fitting jeans, a simple white-collar shirt, the first few buttons undone, and simple black heels (he doesn’t know why she wears the heels—she’s already too tall, in his opinion). He’s unused to seeing her in more formal attire, instead of the zip-up jacket she had in the past, and unsurprisingly, it’s attractive.

Misaki blushes. He’s glad she doesn’t see it.

 Instead, she’s staring into the alleyway, her free hand that isn’t holding the coffee cup absentmindedly going to rub her shoulder. Misaki feels the air rush out of his lungs.

It’s gone. It’s _gone_. In place of the HOMRA tattoo are long, red scabs, one of the wounds certainly in need of stitches, and amidst the bright anger that he feels whenever he sees her now, there is worry. It looks like someone took a kitchen knife and sliced her collarbone multiple times, harshly, and Misaki doesn’t want to care, but he does. Saruhiko isn’t a masochist, and he’s pretty sure she wouldn’t take a slice of her own skin, no matter how she… feels. Familiar feelings of betrayal rise up at seeing the torn up mark, but also that other feeling.

Saruhiko looks annoyed.

“Saruhiko.” Misaki calls out (not Saru this time, she notes), and he looks prepared to do… something. Unsure, perhaps, of what he’s prepared to do, but ready to act anyways. Impulsive.

Saruhiko smiles. No, she _smirks_. It’s cruel, sadistic.

“Mi-sa-ki.” She says.

Saruhiko likes to think she’s grown up.

-

  


 

 

 


End file.
